16 October 08 - 15:22
All By Myself
My hubby left at 6:30 am Monday morning to catch a flight to Banff. He emailed me to say that driving from Calgary into the mountains is just as spectacular by the light of the full moon as it is by daylight. Last I talked to him, despite early protestations that he was going to be spending all his time locked away indoors in boring conference sessions, he was on his way to climb a mountain. I think he's having fun.
Meanwhile back at the homestead, the kids and I are toughing it out without him. I know that the cliche is that when Mom goes away, Dad and the kids live in squalor for the week, with piles of pizza boxes competing with school papers for space on the table. Not so much in my house. In this partnership, he's the neat freak and the listmaker and the morning person. I'm the creative project person who leaves little piles of stuff behind me, and I also specialize in the, ahem, creative use of time. Which too often is simply a euphemism for running behind.
When I go away, the kids get to school on time and their homework is done, but if it isn't on the list, it doesn't happen. When he goes away, the kids are late to bed and late to school, but we often get more creative things done without the scheduler around. Yes, we went out to Greco Pizza for dinner last night, but we also got haircuts for all the kids, and just happened to notice the dentist's office was open, so we dealt with an issue with my son's space retainer I've been meaning to call the dentist about for several weeks. And then when we got home, I made a creative suggestion to my 10 year old daughter, who's been struggling to finish her homework and practice her piano for weeks now. I said when I had two sewing tasks to do, and I didn't really want to do either of them, I would switch from one to the other every time I needed a break. She tried it, and finished both math homework and piano in less time than it usually takes her to finish just the homework. Yea us!
I used to panic when my hubby was away, knowing that keeping the household running on schedule is definitely my short suit. Heck, keeping myself running on schedule is a big challenge all on its own, let alone three kids besides. It was one of the things that scared me before we had kids. I wondered how I would ever cope.
But the year before my eldest daughter was conceived, I spent eight months in Kingston ON, doing my second year of Theological School while my hubby went to Calgary to do a Post Doctoral Fellowship. I was totally freaked out by the need to take care of myself after seven years of mutual dependence. I wondered how I'd ever make any of my 8:30 am classes on time. I didn't know how to relate to the world as a single, even temporarily, when I had for so long been half a couple.
Where do we get these messages as women that we aren't allowed to exist as strong independent people? Is it cultural programming, or what? Because that year we were apart, even with a course overload, I had the best grades I had ever had in my M.Div. program. In my extra-curricular life, I organized 30 people to prepare 27 dishes for a medieval feast for 80 grateful diners, the biggest menu I've ever done. I never missed a plane when I was visiting Calgary, and I kept my financial life in good enough order that I was able to pay off my student loan in six months after the bill came due. Yes, I stayed up a lot later and got less sleep than I would have if he'd been in the house, but it was easier for me to live at my own rhythm than it was to constantly be trying to adjust to his. He confessed that he found the same thing. And while we were very happy to be back together at the end of the school term, we knew after that year that we were also strong enough to live apart, which was a big part of where we found the courage and confidence to start a family.
So yes, the kitchen table is a bit of a mess right now. And the kids were a bit late going out the door this morning. And I'm really going to be glad when he's back so I can catch up on sleep Saturday morning. But really, living at more my pace, getting the things done I want to do, working on my own creative endeavours instead of worrying about the dishes in the sink, is kind of a nice thing to be doing for a change.
Besides, next week I'm going to Kingston for a conference of my own. So he can finish up the list then.
Blessings, Heather.
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